7 Irrational, Sleepless Thoughts I Had After the Election

1. If we’d put BLUE icing letters on our election cake instead of RED, maybe it would have all gone differently.

2. Where are the far-left billionaires?

3. If dogs could vote, we’d have a different outcome.

4. This whole election thing is stressful. Do we have to?

5. All these squidgy old men. Maybe I should just stop having sex.

6. Why can’t the blue states look bigger?

7. Maybe we SHOULD eat our neighbors’ cats. THAT would show them.

That’s not blood on our cake. I swear. Also, it says KH in the middle.

(Some more substantive thoughts sometime soon. But first sleeeeep. And lots of hugs, dear humans.)